How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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