Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
