my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I forget how to act sober
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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