playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize