You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
