He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
