I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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