Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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