Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
