We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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