Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
