God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
