He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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