Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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