You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
