i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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