I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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