that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
