I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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