Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
