Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
