I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
