I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
