I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How naked do you want me to be?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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