Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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