guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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