Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
