I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
