Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she told me i tasted like america
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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