i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
