What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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