I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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