i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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