you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
