He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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