a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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