Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
