i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
