I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
