i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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