is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
