Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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