If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
