I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
