Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
