Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
