I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
