dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
