All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
