Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize