you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
