The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
