White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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