My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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