I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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