She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
