I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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