I feel like I'm in dance class right now
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
