I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
