if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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