absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
