i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
