i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize