I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
