hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
