i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
