I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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