you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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