I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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