Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
