Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
