Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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